lost in transition

i feel as am growing older, i am losing myself. i am doing things that i dint even do in my teens or early twenties.i feel i am becoming wilder and careless.have lost all sense of right or wrong.

the change happened after march i think, when an important event happened in my life. me and ba parted ways. i realize now tht he gave stability to my life. with all our love and hate, he kept me in one piece. held me together by this invisible string tht kept my sanity attached to me like my shadow. and now tht the string is broken, i have gone wild. i realize my folly only after its done.

when will i stop and think? kab rukega yeh karwaan aur kab aayegi woh subah. jab khud ki khud se pehchaan hogi. kabhi kabhi ruk ke apne aap ko samajhna kitna zaroori ho jaata hai. main kab samjhoongi apne aap ko? when will the sky turn clear with few clouds floating lazily?

i want this thunderstorm to end and quietness to prevail.

irisy janis

there are times when asked my name i almost say irisy janis. its complicated. took me months to pronounce the JAN in janis correctly. the name has a history that dates back years. 1999 delhi public school class 11 and there i met my best friend. little did i know that this one was for life. and he became my soulmate.

he was short , thin, fair with curly black hair. and he called me iris. when asked the meaning he told me ... Iris , iris means the goddess of rainbow and messenger of gods . and i thght it was coz he found my eyes pretty.

and janis.i did believe as a kid that i had a good voice and i was more than a bathroom singer but as i got older i saw the truth. he always thought i sang like janis joplin in her broken ,strained , choking voice. and there i was singing rock songs that he taught me just like her.

over the yrs we went our ways. different cities, colleges and even countries. but the bond never broke.even today whenever i think of him for any reason. he appears. somehow or the other. always. he has never failed me. i think this is what it meant when all those years back we said we are soulmates.